lauren (spear_thrower) wrote,

Ho. Ly. Shit.

...from lauren's personal coming-of-age-anecdotes files

my sarcastic quip: "gee, i can't wait to work in an office for the rest of my life and wear power suits."

my father's terrifying response (a rough paraphrase): "well, you never know what you might end up enjoying."

my reaction? i refer you back to the subject heading. ho. ly. shit.

what if he's right? for the past twenty-two years of my life i have contented myself with a laid-back wardrobe of jeans, t-shirts and hoodies, with the attitude to match. more recently, the daily uniform has been infiltrated with (gasp) skirts, collared button-down shirts, and dresses. and, i like them. the dresses, anyway.

now, i'm the last one to want to reduce personalities and outlooks on life to ones' fashion choices and general self presentation. but there remains a certain correlation between growing up and building an appropriate working wardrobe. the great fear, then, is that along with accepting a professional turnout, i might accept (and even more terrifying enjoy) a office-work atmosphere. ugh. i'm working in an office now, but it is probably the most relaxed, informal, and even aesthetically-pleasing office i will ever work in. i can't see myself doing the office thing long-term just yet, though. in my mind, you see, long-term office work is still the primary cause of long-term losses-of-soul. i'm not so much interested in that.

as far as alternatives go, though, i can't seem to come up with anything that doesn't require a hefty dose of self-confidence, which i definitely lack. more specifically, i'd love to be a "freelance writer" (and yes, i know that "freelance" is no more than a sexy euphemism for "unemployed" or "on welfare", but i don't care) or even try something like working in radio. of course, the trick is to figure out a way to sell yourself without having any real experience or qualifications, and to be ballsy enough to seriously pursue it.

i guess the moral of the story for me is to fucking grow a pair. i can't very well get what i want without busting my ass, and failing a few times before i get it. that sucks. i hate failure. i do not deal well with it. this period in my life should be interesting, to say the least.
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