Hey, guy. Thanks for screwing my friends over. It's really nice how you signed a contract for three months and $1200, and then left one month later. Without notifice, without paying the remaining $834, without leaving the keys, and with leaving a mountain of dirty dishes. That's really classy. You must be either a) profoundly mean-spirited, b) profoundly inconsiderate, c) profoundly stupid, or d) all of the above.
To Sublettor # 2:
Salutations. Thanks for treating me like shit. I realize that I may not have always been the easiest person to deal with. I also realize that you may lack some of the crucial social skills needed for dealing with members of the opposite sex. This is all fine. You could have told me, in brief, what was going on. Or, rather, not going on. But hey, that's cool. I think i can figure out. But you may receive a call from me in the near future. Sometimes my curiosity/frustration gets the better of my Minnesota Nice.
"When you spit in the air, it hits you back in your face". Remember this. It might come in handy later on. Start looking for a towel now.